11 March 2008
JB quote of the week (the machine becomes self-aware)
"I'm not some kind of machine, I can't just pump out a quote of the week."
23 February 2008
Some recent discoveries
A few days ago I was pouring myself a glass or flash-pasteurized Florida orange juice.
Whenever Josh buys orange juice, he always gets it sans pulp. So, when I buy orange juice I buy pulpless, also, assuming Josh just doesn't like pulp. My sister is the same way. Everyone else in my family loves pulp, so as a child she would strain the pulp from the juice before drinking it.
So, the other day I asked josh, "You don't like pulp, do you? I really think orange juice is so much better with lots of pulp."
Josh responded: "I don't really know..."
"Wait, you've never even had orange juice with pulp!?"
Then came this weeks gem.
"Well, i feel like I need to ease my way into these things. I only started drinking orange juice last year."
LAST YEAR!
There's something else you should know about Josh: He has never eaten peaches!
How is it even possible that someone like this exists?
Whenever Josh buys orange juice, he always gets it sans pulp. So, when I buy orange juice I buy pulpless, also, assuming Josh just doesn't like pulp. My sister is the same way. Everyone else in my family loves pulp, so as a child she would strain the pulp from the juice before drinking it.
So, the other day I asked josh, "You don't like pulp, do you? I really think orange juice is so much better with lots of pulp."
Josh responded: "I don't really know..."
"Wait, you've never even had orange juice with pulp!?"
Then came this weeks gem.
"Well, i feel like I need to ease my way into these things. I only started drinking orange juice last year."
LAST YEAR!
There's something else you should know about Josh: He has never eaten peaches!
How is it even possible that someone like this exists?
10 February 2008
JB quote of the week
"Wait, so the saying 'if it doesn't kill you, it just makes you stronger,' doesn't apply to all parts of the body?"
03 February 2008
18 January 2008
guest spot of the week
On Josh Ballard as a Baker:
A Play in Four Acts
by Melissa Pants
Act I
In a grocery store.
Josh Ballard (to self): I will buy this cupcake mix & make cupcakes!
Buys cupcake mix
Act II
At 607 Tasker St. In the living room, with chartreuse & brown walls. The cat, Matt LeBlanc, is eating a fake Christmas tree. Amanda, Melissa, Sue & Josh Ballard are watching ANTM.
ANTM ends, & LOST is about to begin.
Josh Ballard: Um, I'll go make cupcakes while you guys watch LOST.
A,M,S: Sounds good.
Josh heads to the kitchen, ostensibly to make cupcakes. The time is 9 PM.
Act III
An hour has passed, & it is now 10 PM. LOST has ended. Amanda, Melissa & Sue are seated in the living room. Josh enters.
Josh Ballard (quietly, in Sue's ear): Um...Sue? Can I ask you a question in the other room?
Sue: Okay.
Josh and Sue go to the kitchen.
Act IV
In the kitchen. The stand mixer is on the table, making irregular clunking noises as it whirls around an empty bowl that does not fit with the mixer.
Josh Ballard: Um...how do you make cupcakes?
End.
A Play in Four Acts
by Melissa Pants
Act I
In a grocery store.
Josh Ballard (to self): I will buy this cupcake mix & make cupcakes!
Buys cupcake mix
Act II
At 607 Tasker St. In the living room, with chartreuse & brown walls. The cat, Matt LeBlanc, is eating a fake Christmas tree. Amanda, Melissa, Sue & Josh Ballard are watching ANTM.
ANTM ends, & LOST is about to begin.
Josh Ballard: Um, I'll go make cupcakes while you guys watch LOST.
A,M,S: Sounds good.
Josh heads to the kitchen, ostensibly to make cupcakes. The time is 9 PM.
Act III
An hour has passed, & it is now 10 PM. LOST has ended. Amanda, Melissa & Sue are seated in the living room. Josh enters.
Josh Ballard (quietly, in Sue's ear): Um...Sue? Can I ask you a question in the other room?
Sue: Okay.
Josh and Sue go to the kitchen.
Act IV
In the kitchen. The stand mixer is on the table, making irregular clunking noises as it whirls around an empty bowl that does not fit with the mixer.
Josh Ballard: Um...how do you make cupcakes?
End.
16 January 2008
12 January 2008
JB quote(s) of the week
"Seems like a butterfly, stings like a bee: The butterfly effect."
"I am not watching this movie with you sitting next to me eating scrambled eggs."
"Is there an awkward love language? Because I would probably be that."
"I am not watching this movie with you sitting next to me eating scrambled eggs."
"Is there an awkward love language? Because I would probably be that."
16 December 2007
JB quote of the week
"I love actual hamburgers, but something about mini hamburgers grosses me out, I mean, under pain of death I could eat them. I don't know what it is."
08 December 2007
JB quote(s) of the week
"I'm familiar with a lot of types of beer, and surprisingly familiar with a lot of types of fish. Maybe more types of fish than beer."
"First we have the animal kingdom, that's a real thing, right? Then, we have the spirit world, then the living sea. And there's outer space of course... Why is it the animal kingdom? It should be the animal empire, or the animal fiefdom."
"First we have the animal kingdom, that's a real thing, right? Then, we have the spirit world, then the living sea. And there's outer space of course... Why is it the animal kingdom? It should be the animal empire, or the animal fiefdom."
04 December 2007
Two things
1. The exact difference between Josh and I:
The other day Josh and I were watching a movie I keep getting from netflix, called "Elling." It is probably one of my favorites. As is fairly normal, we start watching something around 10pm and stop half way thru, because Josh needs to go to bed.
A few days later, Sunday morning, I asked if he wanted to finish watching it. I wanted to send it back on monday, I said, "What's the point of netflix if you don't watch as many movies as possible during a month?"
Josh said: "That's the reason I like netflix, because I can keep a movie as long as I want."
And that is the exact difference between Josh and I. So far I think his record is keeping a movie for the entire summer, then finally sending it back, never having watched it.
2. Investing for retirement:
This evening Josh crossed off one of the things his mother had been asking him to do for a long time: He filled out the necessary on-line forms to start up his 401k.
My favorite part was when he repeatedly called me into his room to ask me how much of his paycheck he should allot for his 401k, what percentage he should invest in stocks or bonds, how to divide it between these yet-to-be-chosen stocks and bonds. Things like that.
I wouldn't even ask myself those questions.
The other day Josh and I were watching a movie I keep getting from netflix, called "Elling." It is probably one of my favorites. As is fairly normal, we start watching something around 10pm and stop half way thru, because Josh needs to go to bed.
A few days later, Sunday morning, I asked if he wanted to finish watching it. I wanted to send it back on monday, I said, "What's the point of netflix if you don't watch as many movies as possible during a month?"
Josh said: "That's the reason I like netflix, because I can keep a movie as long as I want."
And that is the exact difference between Josh and I. So far I think his record is keeping a movie for the entire summer, then finally sending it back, never having watched it.
2. Investing for retirement:
This evening Josh crossed off one of the things his mother had been asking him to do for a long time: He filled out the necessary on-line forms to start up his 401k.
My favorite part was when he repeatedly called me into his room to ask me how much of his paycheck he should allot for his 401k, what percentage he should invest in stocks or bonds, how to divide it between these yet-to-be-chosen stocks and bonds. Things like that.
I wouldn't even ask myself those questions.
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